Divorce's effect on kids 'neglected'
Social worker wonders why issue not tackled

Calgary Herald, Mario Toneguzzi - February 10, 2003

The Calgary Counselling Centre provides sessions specifically for children of divorced parents.

Society is doing a horrendous job of providing support for children of divorced parents and this will have serious implications for their future, says a Calgary expert in the field.

The consequences to society will also be enormous as these children are at high risk for negative behaviour.

I don't think we have a handle on this at all," said Lesa Wolfe, a researcher, social worker and the children's program leader at the Calgary Counselling Centre.

Divorce is very common today -- about 50 per cent of families -- but we've neglected to look at the impact it's had on kids. We've neglected to take it seriously. We've neglected to provide support and intervention."

Wolfe said society has long believed there was no difference between a child living in a traditional family setting and a child with divorced parents.

She said children from divorced families are more likely to drop out of school, get involved in drugs and are at a higher risk of adopting negative behaviours, adding the risk factors are as high as children in abusive settings.

In an abusive environment, Wolfe said, authorities would react quickly and decisively to protect the child, but not when it occurs as a result of divorce.

It's amazing to me that we close our eyes and not pay attention to this," said Wolfe. "We turn a blind eye to it because we've normalized divorce."

Recent studies have shown the negative impact of divorce on children can be minimized with counselling.

Claudio Violatto, a psychologist at the University of Calgary, agreed there are few programs to help children in divorce situations.

That's the biggest concern in divorce -- the impact on children," he said. "They develop a variety of problems -- interpersonal and trust issues. They tend to repeat the cycle (of divorce) down the road."

So, why isn't society responding?

We don't have the political will to do it," Violatto said.

To counter that, the Calgary Counselling Centre offers a 10-week Children of Divorce group program, which began in 1984.

The program is open to children ages three to 18. They are placed in age-appropriate groups with up to six children in each group.

Facilitators use an educational and therapeutic approach to help parents and children adjust to the numerous changes that occur as a result of separation or divorce.

They talk to the children about all their feelings and what they can do when they're caught in the middle of a . . . divorce," said Wolfe.

The counselling centre's program includes children and their parents. Children use role play, puppetry and peer group discussions to explore their feelings.

We want the whole family here," said Wolfe.

Often, the issue is of one child acting out," she said, "and that child is brought in for intervention and treatment, but we invite the entire family to be present because it affects everyone."

Wolfe said children often start misbehaving in school, "doing all kinds of crazy things." Other signs of the impact of divorce on children include anxiety, withdrawal, falling grades in school or lethargy.

Due to stress and worries, Wolfe said, kids may also exhibit sleeping problems and be more prone to crying.

Frank, not his real name, enrolled his seven-year-old daughter in the program.

I think it's working excellently," he said. "There are tremendous benefits for the kids. Our child is seven and she's excited to go. Ecstatic. She want to go share, talk and get things out.

This program gives the kids a chance to know they're not alone. It's got to be (hard) for them."

The most recent Statistics Canada figures on divorce show that 71,144 couples finalized their divorces in Canada in 2000. Close to four out of every 10 marriages end in divorce. The rates have stabilized over the past several years, but grew five-fold between 1968 and 1995.

Copyright 2003 Calgary Herald