Fathers' bill of rights makes excellent gift
The StarPhoenix, Saskatoon, SK, by Bruce Wood, Special to The StarPhoenix, Friday, June 16, 2006
Following is the viewpoint of the writer, chair of Men's Resource Centre of Saskatoon, an organization committed to supporting men in becoming even better fathers, partners and members of society.
For North Americans, Father's Day means many things; for some it means ties, brunches, barbecues and golf, while for others it may signal an occasion for reflection.
Reflection on how "fathering" has been changing and continues to change, and on how well we men are doing at keeping up with the changing expectations of fathers by society, our partners and our children.
As a society we have a complicated relationship with fathers. We celebrate the ideal of the hard working dad who is more committed to family than he is to career advancement, yet many workplaces are not supportive of fathers who practice this ideal. We expect men not to repeat mistakes made by some of their fathers, but mock men who ask for help in changing direction. We admire the courage of men who become "stay at home fathers," yet label them as Mr. Mom.
From time to time in the media and courts we hear about something called "fathers' rights." Organizations exist in Canada that purport to speak for fathers' rights but some of these seem more angry at women than they are supportive of men.
The Men's Resource Centre of Saskatoon is not a "fathers rights organization." However, we would like to propose our idea of a "father's bill of rights" for consideration. It's not an exhaustive list, but maybe it can provide for a start:
Fathers' Bill of Rights
Fathers have the right to express their feelings in private or public, and in
front of their partners and their children freely and openly. This includes
crying and expressing fear.
Fathers have the right to express anger, frustration and impatience in ways that are not abusive to others.
Fathers have the right to say "no" to extra work, extra pay, and even career advancement when it means having less contact with their families.
Fathers have the right to teach their children that racism, homophobia and sexism are wrong -- no matter what their drinking buddies might say.
Fathers have the right to use the words "I don't know" when they don't know something rather than pretend to be experts on every subject on earth.
Fathers have the right to ask for directions when lost, help when in need, caring and compassion when desired and guidance when struggling.
Fathers have the right to hold their son or daughter's hand in public without getting strange looks (of course the sons or daughters may have something to say about this).
Fathers have the right to listen to their children without feeling compelled to "fix" everything that is worrying or challenging them.
Fathers have the right to support their children in whatever legitimate recreation, sport, pastime or other pursuit they choose without attempting to re-live their own unsuccessful careers through their sons and daughters.
Fathers have the right to love their children without reservation regardless of their career choices, physical appearance, lifestyles, sexual orientation or sexual identity, religious or political beliefs or any other aspect of their life that may be different from their own.
Fathers have the right to model a healthy lifestyle for their children through diet, exercise, avoidance of substance abuse and regular visits to health care practitioners.
Fathers have the right to model and teach non-violent forms of conflict resolution.
Fathers have the right to enjoy the company of their children, to laugh, play, and to be "silly" until our sons and daughters roll their eyes back in their heads and plead "Oh Dad, must you be like that! You are so silly."
Such a bill of rights could be the best Father's Day gift of all -- better than a cellphone or a set of golf clubs, better even than breakfast in bed. It's the gift of helping the next generation of fathers to start out on the right path.
The StarPhoenix (Saskatoon) 2006
